


Alone in One's Thoughts

by Astra_Astro



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abused Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Background Logic | Logan Sanders, Background Morality | Patton Sanders, Crying, Gen, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt No Comfort, Insecurity, Kid Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Kid Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Original Character(s), Past Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2020-10-12 21:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20571035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astra_Astro/pseuds/Astra_Astro
Summary: Virgil lives with his brother, Declan, and watches his kids (Remus and Roman) because he doesn’t have a job yet. Declan has been recently been going out to hangout with his co-workers a lot but Virgil won’t say anything to him because he feels too guilty to say anything… (This is a short story from this





	Alone in One's Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> TW: self-hatred, self-deprecating, thinking of smashing the mirror, crying, runny nose, and anything else please comment what I missed.

“_I don’t matter…I don’t matter…”_

It was like a mantra on repeat.

“_I don’t matter…I don’t mat_ter…”

For what seemed to be the millionth time in a row, Virgil found himself babysitting his brother’s(Declan) sons again. He was getting tired of watching them considering he hasn’t gotten a job yet and feels he doesn’t deserve some time to himself.

He’d power through it like he always does, but like always…

He’s alone.

Well not alone alone, just alone in his brothers room watching Roman sleep in the bassinet. His father was sleeping on the recliner with Remus on his lap in the living room, and Patton was over but he was in the other room sleeping.

Still, he felt more alone than ever…

He was alone in his thoughts with no distractions. There’s no sound besides cars passing by occasionally, yet it’s only 2 in the morning. Alone to deal with the isolation and insecurities he’s felt for all the years he’s been with his mom.

Thinking of the time when no one was there. Learning that no one will ever be there and you should not trust anyone about how you feel. <strike>They’ll turn their backs on you.</strike>

He’s thinking of when he sat alone in his room crying for the family he’s missed while out in Florida. Hes thinking of the time when he was alone. He’s thinking and thinking until it all meshes together.

Virgil doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he feels tears dripping down his face onto his phone. He wipes it off and remains quiet, he’s learned to cry or sob quietly from years and years of practice. Even with his quietness of sobbing his own small pity party, he starts forming a plan on why his eyes are puffy.

_“Thank god it’s allergy season” he thinks to himself as he quietly goes into the restroom to quietly blow his nose._

“_I don’t matter…I don’t matter…”_

He looks into the mirror and just sees the mess he is. Dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, puffy eyes from crying his eyes out, a runny nose from his allergies and crying.

He had a temptation to punch the mirror as it mocks his very existence, but instead takes a deep breath and washes his face.

“I _don’t matter….I don’t matter…”_

That saying is being repeated in his head again as he dries his face.

When he’s done with making sure there are no signs of crying on his face, he comes out the restroom…

Just in time to hear his dad call his name.

“…Virgil…” Logan says as he opens his eyes and looks at Virgil.

Virgil freezes as he hopes and prays he doesn’t noticed he’s cried at all.

“…yeah dad?”

Logan moves his arms and nudges Remus towards him.

“go put him to sleep on your brother’s bed and make sure he lays down…” Logan says as he drifts back off to sleep.

Virgil walks over to Logan on the recliner and takes Remus off his lap. He carries him to Declan’s room as his mind drifts off again.

’_he didn’t even notice I was crying-’_

He laid Remus down on the side of the bed by the wall.

’_STOP! YOU DONT MATTER_!!“

Virgil slowly sat down by the bed in between the bassinet and bed. He was looking at both his nephews and made sure they were covered right.

He sighed when he saw they were covered right and laid his head back on the bed.

He must have nodded off as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He hurriedly and took it out and read a message from Declan.

”**_hey sorry I’m still at my co-workers, I owe you more when I get paid!_**!“

Virgil stared at his phone as he felt more tears coming. He tried to blink them away, but they were already streaming down his face.

"I don’t matter…I don’t matter…"he whispered under his breath as he just curled up into a ball and waited until his brother came home.


End file.
